Saturday, May 05, 2007
I just hate it when the ppl closest to you hurt you.
Since wednesday nite when i moved back from hall, i have been at loggerheads with my mum. Even till now. She even interferes when my dad gives me allowance! Damn it. I mean, why does she have such a large reaction when anything has to do with money? She promised to give me money from my own bank account (that she restricts my access to) for my hostel bill for 2 months and now she said she doesn't want to anymore!
She has been scolding me for the toilet paper, for switching on the computer, for doing anything! Anything and everything is just wrong in her eyes! I am so sick and tired of all this shit. She says she doesn't have as many problems when i stay in hall but she refuses to pay for my hostel bills! Damn it. Even my sis says she is liddat even when i'm not at home. Grrrr.
She keeps harbouring on the fact that i don't have much savings in my personal account, which i finally opened in June last year after quarreling heatedly with her. Please la. My salary has been going into my account (the one she restricts my access to) and she does not allow me to touch it at all! I only have 2 months worth of salary put into my personal account that i can access and most of it has been either used on food, transport or my hostel bill. Wth does she expect? That i can grow or produce money?!
Please please! I really need a job! I need the money..i need to escape from all this. I would rather work and slog than stay at home. I don't mind working long hours as long as i am spared from this.
Everytime when i am at home, i'll either end up crying myself to sleep and crying to myself in the bathroom. It sucks. Really. I just detest this feeling. I wished i was stronger. -Sighs- :(
I detest my world of black and white. I detest my world of weaknesses. I detest my world of sadness and depression. I detest feeling alone. I detest feeling terrible and helpless.
But on top of all these, i still love my mum. -Sighs-
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