Went to watch Music and Lyrics just now. The show was damn nice! So touching..such a sweet love story. Does such a thing really exist in real life? I think sometimes shows potray ideology but not reality. Humans want such a thing to exist thus they paint such a beautiful picture so that they can fool themselves by living in fantasy, am i not wrong? Well. Anyhow, the show was fantastic. =)

Ignore all of the below.

Yay. I am happy yet sad at the same time. Happy for others, sad for myself. BooOoOO0. I always dunno how to stand up for myself. I feel bad, yet i feel gek cos i didnt voice out my views. So what is the correct thing i should do? Or is there such a thing as the 'model answer'?

I can never catch up, never be as good as others. Ppl are always better than me. Sometimes they are especially insensitive but i guess i have learnt how not to show my feelings so much. I have learnt how to act as if i was nonchalant and oblivious to their hurting remarks and words. I will always remember what those ppl wrote in my autograph books, especially those from my primary school days. The guys asked me to slim down, told me how ugly i was and stuff. In secondary school, ppl told me to slim down so that i would look pretty. Ppl would laugh at me. In secondary 3, i stood up for my friend and got hated by my classmates instead. You won't understand what hell i had then. Nobody would. I wanted to cry everyday, i dreaded school, all i wanted was to just hide myself from those ppl. You won't know how lonely i felt, how sad i was. You guys were just so insensitive. In jc, something happened so in the end, i hid myself again. What's new? I wanted to run away from everything. You dunno how terrible it was to be looked down upon by your own parents..you dunno how hurting it was when my own dad asked me not to stand beside him when he saw his friends so that i won't throw his face and make him embarrassed. You won't know what hell i went through all these years. You won't.

I think too much. I get affected too easily. I am an irritant so everyone ignores me. I should hide myself too so that i will not risk irritating anyone. I am a loser. A freak. Someone who only knows how to be depressed. Sometimes it just sucks when you feel damn sad and wants to confide in someone but everyone is just so busy and unable to even spare you a minute of their precious time. Over time, i have learnt how to rely more on myself..how to keep things to myself..though sometimes i do yearn to have a friend that i can confide in. Oh well. Everyone is so busy anyway. I hate myself for having such a weak character, having such low-esteem, for being so untalented, for being so imperfect, for being so lousy..Damn pissed with myself. But i can't help it. Tears are my best comfort.

Don't ask me the reason for this sudden outburst. I guess it has been accumulated over all these years. All these mean and insensitive ppl and myself, the weakling.
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