Monday, May 10, 2004
LooKinG at OthErS beinG so HappY, LaughInG hEartiLy, SuddEnly makEs mE fEeL So Lonely Deep inSidE mE.
The WorLd tO mE iS gReY. plaiN duLL grEy.
i feeL So EnviOus Of thOsE wHo aRe hapPy n CheeRfuL.
i kNoW i WaS onCe lIke thEm. But i knOw tHinGs will Nv bE thE sAmE AgaiN.
ToO manY things havE happenEd tO chanGe mE dRastiCaLLy.
i reAlly wanT mY oLd SelF BaCk!!! deSperAtely.
i Was So happY thEn... thoSe wErE thE meMoriEs... *SiGhz*
Now, i Feel
infeRiOr tO thE ppL Around mE, EveN mY fRenZ.
i HatE mySelf fOr fEeLinG thiS wAy. i hAtE mySelf FoR chanGinG. i hAtE myself fOr fEeLinG mOoDy.
SomEtimEs i FeeL sO dEep doWn in thE dumPs To thE exteNt that No oNe CaN rEdEeM me. NoT evEn mYself. i reaLLy dUnnO whO to tuRn To. i DunnO whO wiLL undErstand wAd i'M goiNg thrU all the whiLe. SometimEs i trY to nuMb mY feeLinGs n thInk abt HappY stuFf. BuT it sEeMs tO bE in vAin mOst oF tHe timE.
i KnoW i SeeM hapPy n CheeRfuL... buT norMal that'S really NoT thE cAse. i fEeL sO loNeLy dEep insidE mE. mY heArt'S eMptY. a hoLe. a HolloW sPacE.
wAd caN i dO? nOthiNg. SadLy.
thErE is a giRl thAt i knOw wHo GetS aloNg So WeLL wiTh all the PpL aRd Her n iS happY all the tiMe. i rEaLLy dUn undErsTanD. She's So horribLy WhinY n touChy. n LovEs tO fLirT SeduCtiveLy. Not thAt shE's preEtY oR anythiNg like thAt. tHe sight of hEr really disguSts mE. WhY?? i think it's Coz sHe'S pLaiN luCky. Very LuckY. y iS it thAt LucK Has nEvEr visitEd mE?? it'S so unFaiR. EverYthinG in the worLd is unFaiR.
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